My daughter has been back at school going on three weeks, as has my middle man who started a new kindy this year. I thought once they go back I’d be able to smash out those words, but alas my characters aren’t speaking to me, so what happens, I begin to doubt myself and my ability. Recently I was on holidays for a week and I wrote this post. It’s very heartfelt, raw and just my own personal thought. Keep in mind I don’t edit these blog posts and what I’m about to share was written at 2 in the morning.
Written 16 January 2017
Recently I saw a post from a fellow indie author(whom I admire and love her books) and it really struck home to me. I have moments where I feel the same as her. She stated in her post that if she was a ‘big’ author people would be all over her but they aren’t. Also saying that she’s little and basically feeling unimportant. I cannot express how much this hits me like a slap to the face. My reply to her was:
“You aren’t a nobody, so don’t think it. You are who you choose to be and if you wanna be somebody, you’re the only one who can do it. You should be doing this for you and no one else. Trust me I have to be reminded constantly and thankfully I have friends who do that for me. Big or little it doesn’t matter just do what you love.”
Perfect response I thought, not only was I talking to her as a friend but I was giving myself a reminder.
Me, I’m one of those little indie authors who don’t have a huge following or even a huge number of books published but ya know what, I’ve slowly begun accepting that. But the thing is we ALL have accomplished something, by even publishing one book a year compared to a big author publishing 4-however many books per year. We should be riding this roller coaster on our own and picking up good supportive friends along for the thrilling ride.
Yes, I only write one book a year, I don’t think I’ll make it big by simply doing that, but it’s all I can manage right now. I have three little kids who like to challenge me and push my buttons on a daily basis. Mr four, Cale has autism and speech delay and so I’m busy getting him the help he needs, he is the happiest little man and so he takes a great chunk of my time before I can think about writing and then add the other two kids and then the man child. It never stops.
I write my stories for me, as a sufferer of anxiety it helps me ease the tension I might be feeling in the pit of my stomach, when said stomach is tying itself in knot upon knot. For example right now I should be enjoying my week long holiday at the beach, yet it’s 2am and I’m struggling to sleep because I’m pushed me out of my comfort zone. It’s not crippling and I always push on and make sure my kids are having a blast. Thankfully my husband is a great support. I’d be lost without him, he’s my rock and if my anxiety flares up, simply knowing he’s there puts my mind at ease. So writing this blog post is to help ease my tension in my tummy and also hopefully to help someone who might read this and could be feeling the exact same as the other author and myself. And maybe feel a little better about being who they are and where they are as an author, big or little, honestly it really it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Yes, the sales would be bloody fantastic! I’d love my sales to sky rocket, so I’ll keep going. I will keep positive that one day it might happen but until then I’m content being me and doing my thing and I hope that someday anyone who feels like this could feel at peace enough with how their own author career is and not comparing yourself to those other authors. Remember, they all started at the bottom like you and me. We all matter to someone, a reader, a blogger, heck even another author. You’re amazing and super talented, don’t let your light go dim even for a moment, shine, shine like you’ve never done before. Set a goal weather it be big or little, set one and push for it. Read inspiration quotes and blog posts. Go read Colleen Hoovers story on how she started, also Pepper Winters has a post that I’m always reminded of, go read it and set your goals ready to knock those stories out of the park.
If you ever need a friend then reach out, I’m always happen to listen and support. I have a wonderful support network around me who kick my butt into gear if I’m having one of my ‘downer days’ as I like to call them. They pull me out of my dark days and I’m so grateful to them. You’re friends love you and want to see you succeed and push yourself. Don’t ever give in, keep going. You’re talented and you’re loved. Always shine like the brightest star, don’t ever dim your light for no one or nothing.
Remember, we’re all on our own journey. Lets stay strong to ourselves and be there to support each other. The support in the book community is epic. I love everything about it, yes, there are days where your facebook might be filled with stuff that brings you down, but push past that and think of the positives in your own life. Go look at pictures of hot guys or girls – whatever you like. Go do something that puts a smile on your dial.
Keep smiling and be strong. You are stronger than you realise.
Until next time.